Queen of chaos 3

“How you gon’ win when you ain’t right within?”  Lauryn Hill

the memory of her presence fades as the forgotten memories drown my sight.  I shake the chains to the ground and in a loud echo they disappear.  Voices chattering everywhere but nothing from the heart.  Nothing real, can you not find that voice inside of you?  Always looking above, around, everywhere but from within and speaking with such hatred.  I dry the tears from my eyes as an ocean forms below my feet.  When you stare into the face of madness, materializing before your eyes, hopelessness, futility, solutions and finally hope.  Hope within the beat of your own heart, hope, finding power upon your own hands…the only hope.  Before all of our eyes the sun shines down, brightening our footsteps, finding life inside our newfound creativity, the creativity communicating the sound of our heart, the sound of life.  My hand feels light upon the surface of this earth.  In dreams upon dreams, lighting the way with fallen stars as the voices within my head continue battling for chaos to guide me.  The attraction to chaos smolders in ashes upon the shadow of her still slowly beating heart.  Lies can no longer guide me, rightness can no longer be an option here, as I drown in the tears of the infinite struggle for life, as the pain of the voices of the past direct me forward, the chatter in my head grows louder and I continue to split in millions of pieces.  I see all I ever knew and reach for it, only to see it float away in a cloud of smoke.  Her heartbeat, still pounding within my ears as her fear continues to sway me.  I lie down and become the rock I must be to protect me from the bullshit which continues to swallow all of my thoughts.  I tinker away, attempting to dismantle the narrative which has brought me to this point.  Faded stars fall at my feet, energizing the breath centering my body.  I remember and forget, chaos enters and exits faster, and the light finds a home as I reach for nothing.  The words that I have always known disappear, and left speechless, I feel peace.  I create infinite life with my thoughts, communicate lightdarkness with the movement of my hand.  As the form of all I have ever experienced in a cry of chaos shatters into numberless shards of light, the narrative, the only one I have ever known is at once understood and dismantled into fading stars guiding me upon the mountain of my tears. The power of all the tears ever shed for peace, for hope, in pain and struggle; tears, continues dismantling the cages holding us all inside.  As I watch my narrative flowing down the ocean beneath my feet, I now know there can be nowhere to go but within every living thing, every breath, every pulse of life, every cry bleeding from the earth.  We have become life and we have awakened.

 

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