The inversion of love 2

The Father, our father.  Given me life, chained, Air, toxic, Sight, blinded, Food=poison.  Still I cling to you.  Guide me, to the bottom of a well.  The ground which gave me life, above me.  The water, my mirror above me, its waves glimmer from my eyes.  In my sleep I ask nothing of you.  You created me, I think, or you’ve taken my life into your hands, for what purpose I can only guess.  The image which held me together, you created.  What would I be without this image?  The image like fog, flows away which each breath, returning with each forgotten memory.  Memories you own. Which is why I turn to her.   The love I had for her reflects upon me in the form of a black abyss.  A black abyss, its tentacles grasping my heart.  She now exists in the wind surrounding me.  She cannot even recognize you there, always there watching but not looking. I hear your dreadful heart beat, so far away now.  As I touch the mirror which has appeared before me her image appears as if it is my own. I touch her.  I feel what she is.  The butterfly on my shoulder.  It taught me forgiveness.  Taught me how to fly.  It showed me how to find her.  She is always what has given me life.  Why is she always just out of reach?  My hands flow through the water above me, grasping for the end…you are training me              this is why you’re silent.  Training me for what, to be like you?  DO you not see this is impossible?  I think, far outside of the small tunnel you view as the world.  You can’t change this.  Teaching me to think simply, shortly.  Transforming me into a vessel.  Destroyed when no longer needed.  I am stuck.  She calls to me, somewhere, only an echo of what she is.  I can’t see you, yet you continue to surround me.  Never giving up.  Waiting for me to concede.  I will not.  My life is my own.  I close my eyes, but only can see myself as that child, always running.  Running from the image I was supposed to be.  The one you made.  It didn’t work because I could always look in the mirror.  I could always face that thing inside me.  The thing you can’t face in yourself.  Still you breathe and the whole world shudders.  Looking out from the backs of my eyes.  I am backwards, it just seems like life to me now.  I love you father for I have no other choice.  Your heart beat, your breath moves the walls closer.  Your fear murders any thoughts I have, your fear, our food.  A life swallowing hatred.  You forget that feeding on your hatred brings us life and love because only one aspect of this cannot be inverted, it is all inverted.  My well, my home breathing with life now, life you still cannot see.  Feed me father.  I chew on the hatred and the fear, it is all you have to offer, with each swallow the well disappears before me and there are only stars, only space.  Still you breathe, but it is so shallow, and still we feed, spitting your hatred out in bursts of love.  There is a tree above me.  On a branch I see a caterpillar, reaching for the moon.  A shooting star floats by overhead and you are gone.  I fall asleep to the sound of my own heartbeat.  The most peaceful sleep I’ve ever known.  She comes to me in my dreams, a beautiful black abyss, reminding me it is time to run


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