Our new, happy life


“Why should one feel it to be intolerable unless one had some kind of ancestral memory that things had once been different?” George Orwell

They took my father away.  In the past I ran from so long ago.  It was me.  He was being bad and I told them.  I would watch him late at night.  He was meeting with people.  People he wasn’t suppose to be meeting with.  I heard him one night saying, this is what they’re trying to take away, we can’t let them do it.  He was holding a red book, something he was not allowed to have in his possession.  I told.  And two nights later, they took away all of the fathers.  Mommy wasn’t that sad though.  Not then.  Maybe she knew I told, I was never sure.  She gave me a box of Triple Rainbow cookies that night because she knew I was sad.  They tasted funny.  I was scared when they took daddy away that they would find the butterfly, but they never went into my room because I was crying.  They wanted the book.  No one knew where it was.  I touched it once.  I felt it all.  I had no words to describe it.  It was part of me, as if I myself had written it.  She breezes by as her presence feels so near.  She has entered my world now.  She is here because I am nearing the truth.  As she erases the words I save them…they can’t disappear because they are what I feel, and I will always feel, even trapped in this hole, my sight is blinded and I can barely breathe from the lies that are falling on me rapidly, but I still feel everything.  But we are on the street now.  It is snowing.  We are beneath a gas lit lamp.  The streets are silent.  We look at each other but we can’t say a word.  There is no longer a mirror between us.  I suppose she wants me to say something, but I can’t, I just don’t have the words anymore.  Why are you here?  Where is here?  What are you? – Oh, just look at me.  We don’t have time for questions…what do you feel? – I guess I don’t really know. – Well, that’s freedom right? – Maybe it is, I don’t know. – I was there when they took your father away you know.  I was – Are you really real? – I don’t even know what that means. – What are you? – I don’t know what that means either.  And she laughs and I feel exactly what she is, but there are no words for it. – I changed you know, and I really don’t know what’s next, something bigger I think.  We are worlds you know.  With oceans and light, all that is.  That is what we are, but we don’t want to know that, for some reason we don’t want to know that.  Why did you tell on your father? – …I guess I just wanted to feel something – You always had me – I just don’t think I knew how to feel.  I thought I was supposed to feel like them.  To think like them, to hate like them, but I never really learned how.  Will you never leave? – We can never leave.  She places her hand on her heart and it thumps, and I feel my heart beating to hers.  I grab her hand and feel all that we are.  We grow bigger as we step on the pieces of yesterday, the sound of crunching glass now far behind, but not ever again to be forgotten



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