so you say you wanna…

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“I go my way with the assurance of a somnambulist.” Adolph Hitler

(crusty but benign transgender woman, please play your part and Do Not Step Over The Line) I was born in a thirty seven inch square.(sad music plays) Bred to consume, my thoughts were ejaculated upon me in millions of pixels.(sad music, walking sadly towards the sunset)                     My body was never my own(angry music)(sighs from the audience)(sad music) I reached down at night(in tears)for the only thing a boy could still grasp in this godforsaken world, but it was a strangers, and it disgusted me..that’s when I knew I was different…but, that’s not really what(listen we need to keep this brief, this is television and there’s three more of you)…I, do you want the truth(the Truth…hahahahaha, we own the truth now, weren’t you informed?)Ok, quick, here it is, my name is Winona, I use to be a boy, now I’m a woman…umm dad raped me, mom watched, you know the usual story(the sound of stardust sprinkling down from heaven/a black and white flash of a hand sprinkling stardust) {Meet Winona, she always knew she wanted to be a woman} Not really {And now she is here and fighting for her life.}Fighting for my life, against what? {Hahaha now that is the question isn’t it.We’re just going to sit you down Winona, nice and comfortable in this chair, just like the peace you have in your bed at night, right here in this chair.  Okay, how does that feel, does that feel nice?} Oh yes, very comfortable. {Now Winona, you are about to experience everything you ever experienced in your life in about…3 seconds, now how does that make you feel Winona?} Ummm…{Yes Winona, we thought so.  Do you want a warning or…are…you…Alllredddyyy…as..leep}

Her head falls back against the cushion and her life in it’s entirety flashes upon the screen in front of her and the audience.  She wakes up to lights flashing into her eyes – I can take over from here – I blink my eyes as the audience looks at me as if I was an experiment for their own amusement.  I slept through this to arrive here.  I never questioned the waves that were swelling below, pushing me away at their whim.  I looked to the sky and it was gone and the man pushing down the words, but, he didn’t want to hear it anymore.{We know your fears now, we know your loves, we have every piece of information we could possibly use against you} So why don’t you use it to help me?  An alarm sounded{ywdgyshdfnhsvfgbfhjbh} The voice kept repeating gibberish that didn’t sound like a language at all and seemed to be going insane just at the thought of helping someone for their own good.  The man upstairs was pounding on the words for me to run but I really didn’t want to go anywhere, I just wanted to enjoy all of this as it was happening.  It gave me great solace to watch the box that has helped me on my way to being a mass of pain and confusion, experiencing utter turmoil.  Hope began to seem like a tangible aspiration. I smiled at this colossal mass of nothingness  being driven insane because of it’s inability to think outside of the tiny square it has drawn for itself.  I stand tall in front of the audience, the lights glaring down upon me as I grip the microphone tightly in my hand(heroic music) Maybe I’m here because you want my growth to be restricted to that box that you have all chosen to place yourselves inside.  Maybe it makes you better, makes your heart feel better, and not seem so emotionless to let someone very different than you take the stage so you can convince yourselves how normal you are and at the same time, commend a person for going against the grain and following their hearts, something you will always be too cowardly to do.  Well listen here, we don’t have to exist outside of anything anymore, we only need each other, we only need to recognize how exactly alike we all are, never mind these distractions, all of these fake division lines that our small boxes are placing upon all of our lives.  Know this, anytime you feel alone or scared, you only need to look deeply within your own heart, because that is where everything is…I bow to the audience’s cheers and I know that I must go as far away as possible and a door, not unlike the one in the bank appears below my feet, there is a voice I hear, it is slowing down as all of the noise in a swoop disappears – you need to run, fast and far, but it is too late.  As I open my eyes I am working in a soda manufacturing facility, I have three kids, I’m fat I live in a trailer and my husband beats me…my worst fear, and my second fear, it’s for all the world to see…this is my revolution

 

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