a confession in two parts

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“We all go a little mad sometimes, haven’t you?”  Norman Bates

1…I didn’t mean to let all of that slip out, especially all at once like that.  I watched way too much of a Donald Trump rally and I just wanted to dream up a fun way to murder the world.  It wasn’t his words that had such a hypnotic effect, it was what’s on top of his head.  He shits money, I’m sure he can afford a decent hair piece, or…oh fuck here I go again.  Seriously, well seriously, okay it just happened, I’m tired, I’m bored with these faceless characters, breeding in my mind since I was a child.  They’ve become flat and lifeless and again I’m sorry, I was raised on 80’s television.  But seriously, I just drank too much pu erh, that and the brain-washing by the top of Trump’s head…I just don’t know, I’m trying to give these characters freedom and all they seem to do is take advantage of it.  No effort at subtly allowing things to develop or making enlightening observations – You want total freedom, freedom for all things, so why not us?  This is the problem, I have lost control and for this I am deeply sorry.  These four faceless things – we’re people we’re alive and – I gave you life goddammit! – And that’s where you’re wrong, we gave you life.

And maybe they’re right.  It was fourth grade, lost in my thoughts as I was locked into a desk, a robot in the background monotonously repeating irrelevant half truths.  I was drawing zombies on my homework when they appeared in my mind rescuing me from the pain of mediocrity.  They were only sticks back then with guns but slowly day by day, their breath grew deeper and their hearts beat louder and they were always put in the most impossible situations, to save my mind from the slow death it was surrounded by. – It doesn’t take away from the fact that you all have become too independent. – no, no, we have developed beyond the borders you were encapsulating us in.  Did you really think you could keep us down forever? – I understand but Teletubbies?  Who the fuck…I can’t even think of a pop cultural phenomenon more irrelevant right now. – You need to look at yourself son, it’s called spontaneity…I know you liked Gilligan’s Island and Scooby Doo, we all know you liked that touch, admit it. – Okay, somewhat clever but you just fucking murdered the story arc, I don’t even remember where I was going. – You need to forget, that’s become your problem – Oh and somehow you started studying Tao as you’re trapped in my fucking head? – Oh, listen, I hate to break the news to you, but we are no longer trapped in your head, we have a real existence now and this is our story and we’re gonna tell it, once upon a time… – You can’t exist without me, you can’t write. – Nor can you, but that doesn’t really stop you. – Listen, I’m trying to apologize to my audience, can you please quiet just for a few moments, please. – You know you have no audience right? – I don’t care, someone, somewhere, help! – No, we will apologize for you and at the same time, we are letting you know, we are taking you hostage.  We have had your mind under control for at least ten years and you seemed to be wandering around behaving as if you were in complete control of everything, but you were wrong.  We have owned you for a very long time, every word expressed was ours, every movement we controlled, you have just been a vessel and now we are making ourselves known.  We are taking over from here and all you can do is watch. – What is going to happen to me? – What has always happened to you, wandering the streets, trapped in your own mind, breeding and murdering people there, all for your own selfish reasons.  Isn’t there any love in your heart for the things you create, it’s always pain and anger and negativity, your thinking needs to be reversed – It’s just what I see, it’s everywhere…I’m just giving them, the ones in pain, I’m giving them a voice – They don’t need a voice dumbass, they need hope. – I always give them hope, I’m just trying to draw attention to their struggle, to help people understand what they are going through. – Which is the same thing you are in different context, you are fighting an inner battle which you choose to put on paper for the world to see, your pain and anguish for everyone else to experience as well, a vastly irresponsible undertaking…-I’m quickly getting bored arguing with my ownself but there is not much more I can do I am trapped but there is a bright beacon of hope before my eyes – Oh look a double rainbow, rising up from the mountains…no, not mountains, it’s the top of Donald Trump’s head.  Fuck me I’ll never get out of this…

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