The Lord’s Lair


the old man spoke up in a bar
said i never been in prison
a lifetime serving one machine
is ten times worse than prison       The Clash

We were now slowly walking through the fog shrouded tunnel still holding hands, gripping our cash – What the fuck is that down there?  There was a group of people wearing black robes in a circle with lit candles and what seemed like a baby in the middle of the circle. – Where the fuck are you taking us Dez? – To a party – Mason falls to the ground flat on his back, a light is emanating from his stomach as his stomach begins growing outward. A screen appears on his stomach as Mason begins laughing hysterically.  Shone before our eyes, pasted to Mason’s stomach is Three’s Company which we can’t even hear over his laughter.  The cash that was in Mason’s hands was now only a cloud of colored smoke – Oh fuck – Like a purplish bubble of gum, Dez’s stomach expands and there it is for all of us to see, Scooby Doo, the one with Sonny and Cher.  Des looks down all too slightly amazed – Shit, that’s my favorite episode.  I figured I should now be the voice of reason for the group – Listen, we all really need to pull it together…Dez, fuckin seriously this is no party, did you take us to the the Lair of the Lords?(fittingly nefarious music plays in the Scooby Doo episode) – Oh shit, it’s a fucking double rainbow – And before our eyes, no doubt about that, a double rainbow.  Mason was still laughing as he pointed to the rainbows and the circle down below disappeared but the baby seemed to be still there, probably dead now – wait, wait, let’s go back, Dez fuckin seriously, okay is this a dream?  What the fuck is going on, I can’t even remember how we got into these costumes what – They’re not costumes – I was beginning to think he wasn’t lying.  No matter how hard I pulled at it, it wouldn’t come off, in fact that red color seemed to be the color of my skin now, I was slightly alarmed.- Did you sell our souls to the devil or something? – Well, no, no nothing that extreme, you see – In a burst of light a television exploded out atop my stomach and honestly, it was hard for me to stop laughing, Gilligan’s Island, the one with the giant tarantula.  I use to believe in things but it suddenly seemed incredibly foolish, I pinched my skin and it was still there.  Erik, the green one was looking down at his stomach and he seemed a bit sad – I wanna be something – Okay Dez, seriously we’re Teletubbies right, so you sold us to the Lord’s for…I mean for their party or what really is going on here? – Okay, I’ll have to level with you here.  We all look up as we hear a rhythmic pounding coming from the ceiling above us and the thought comes to us all at once, maybe we’re just psychotic?  Hmm… – No, listen, this is what I know and I’m sorry to tell you this, but the world, our world is dying and well our truck, that truck it wasn’t just what you thought it was, it contained something…well, something that is going to sort of just kill everything up there and – okay so now why did you do this? – Okay, I’m not really sure, I’m not really sure this is all true but we’re Teletubbies because there is a new show coming on and that’s where all the money came from, they made me an offer I couldn’t refuse – Okay so who the fuck is pulling the strings here? The nefarious Scooby Doo music once again orchestrates from the tube. – There’s still a few things I really don’t know.  A boy runs through my head and a girl with a cherry on top of her butterfly wings floats not far behind.  I think I just went insane.  So Dez, I mean…what’s next? – Not much left to do but party right? – Party with who the dead fuckin baby?  As we walk towards the baby still lying motionless in the crib, we are blinded by a triple rainbow and the baby, now smiling down upon us in the sun has a look of irritation on his face, hiding behind the cute smile                                                                                                       The baby spits out his pacifier on us and blurts out

You motherfuckers need to stop thinking so much

…quiet your goddamn minds



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